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How Does the Blueprint You Learned in Your Family of Origin Impact Your Marriage?

Male and female couple assisting a marriage counselling session

Did you know that in a study of 87 countries, Canada was found to have the 29th highest divorce rate?

Conflict is one of many reasons for ended marriages. But did you know that the sources of these conflicts may start long before the relationships themselves?

Your family of origin determines how you exist in relationships throughout your life. Marriage counselling can help you and your spouse uncover clues about your families of origin, and how they are impacting your relationships.

If you're thinking, "What is a family of origin?" or "How do I find marriage counselling in Edmonton?" don't worry. Keep reading to learn how your family of origin may be impacting you and your marriage and what you can do about it.


How Your Family of Origin Impacts You

In defining family of origin, psychology and its practitioners put the most emphasis on how you're raised and who you grow up with. This may not necessarily be who you're biologically related to.

The effects of nature vs. nurture have been of huge debate in the psychological community for the past several decades. However, research now shows that the environment in which you spend your earliest years has life-long impacts.

Your growing environment teaches you how to form attachment bonds and how to exist in relationships very early in life. Any behaviours you learn during this time, healthy or unhealthy, you grow up seeing as normal. Then, they greatly impact the relationships in your adulthood.

How This Affects Your Marriage

Unless you actively take steps to combat this training you received early in life, you instinctively bring your learned ways of interacting with others into your adult relationships.

Sometimes, this is wonderful. If you had a nurturing and safe childhood, the chances are good that you're going to bring safe and nurturing behaviours into your interactions with your spouse. If you were shown examples of spouses who laughed together and supported each other, you're likely to bring this same energy to your marriage as well.

Unfortunately, the reverse can also be true.

If you grew up around adults who argued or exhibited violent behaviours toward each other, you might revert to such behaviours yourself in times of stress or heightened emotionality. If you grew up feeling neglected or with the fear of abandonment, you may carry an anxious attachment style into your relationship with your spouse and other close relationships.

What You Can Do About It

By examining your family of origin, you're already taking steps toward healing. Recognizing where you've come from is a huge first step. However, outside help may be required to help you fully understand your past and move toward a healthier future.

Marriage counselling can be beneficial even for the healthiest of marriages. It can also be vital for a couple working through conflict and trauma if they want to preserve their relationship.

Marriage counsellors will often conduct an initial family of origin assessment for both you and your spouse. This helps them figure out where your baselines are. Then, they develop the treatment plan that's best for you, your relationship, and your healing.

Find Marriage Counselling in Edmonton to Start Healing Today

Now you know how your family of origin and its issues can impact your family and marriage today. Seeking the support of a marriage counsellor can help you understand your family of origin and how it's impacting your relationships today. This knowledge allows you to move toward a healthier future.

Are you looking for marriage counselling in Edmonton? Fill out our contact form to book an appointment with us and start your journey of healing today.

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